Sometimes My Arms Bend Backwards

I need to film things. I need to "practice my art". I want to be a writer/director yet I neither write nor direct.

I have become greatly demoralised by Enlish Language exams, not because I feel I did badly, but because they have reminded me how brilliant so many other film-makers are i.e. David Lynch. I could never even dream of emulating him. His use of surrealism is so beautifully artistic, and with it has deeper meaning - it is defineitely not weirdness for weirdness sake.

Other film-makers as well: Tarrantino's witty dialogue and post-modern directorial commentary on the nature of the underisde cinema which manages to better that which it parodies (compare Coffy to Kill Bill or Jackie Brown). Or David Fincher with his slick stylisation, which paces action brilliantly with plot, where every cut has a meaning. Or Robert Rodriguez who is a one man fil-making machine who writes, directs, produces, edits, and writes the score for all of his films, as well as often doing the cinematography.

How can I possibly hope to equal my idols when I can't even manage to sit hrough an entire media exam becuse I get too stressed out, let alone go out and try and make films. I am at the very best, doomed to be a Hollywood hack, oh well at least I'd be rich...